Choice to parent,

I always looked forward to having my own children and soon after graduating with my bachelor's degree I got marred and had three children in a row. At some point they all looked like triplets. I enjoyed every bit of my time with them but when one got sick then they would all be sick and that is when real work was on our shoulders. My husband grew up in a very large family of about 14 children (from one mother) and I from a family of 8 (from one mother). When we got married, we wanted a smaller family because we were both working and life had become more expensive to raise children in a way and to a standard of your choice unlike when we were growing up ourselves. We have three grown children (22, 20, 18) yet it looks just like yesterday when they were babies. Now that they are out and about, we are feeling like the way we were when we were dating, almost all alone again. It's scary and I am already missing them!

In Africa, marriage is crucial for both men and women because that gives you social approval and identity. Although things have really changed, basically the system still operates in the same way: girls(women) are expected to marry earlier than boys (men) and getting children must follow almost immediately. While modern day couples may delay getting children abit, it cannot take for as long as 5 years, society will be up in arms against you. Mother's in-law even ask their sons to marry another woman who is ready to get children immediately. Children are the mainstay of a couple and the institution of marriage. Barrenness is "unacceptable" and thought of as bad luck or witchcraft or evil spells thrown your way. It causes people alot of suffering (especially psychological). While people who have money may go to hospitals for help. majority of the people start off with traditional health providers, herbalists, diviners etc or they consurrently seek help from either source. The idea of surrogacy in Africa is non-existent because a man can just marry another wife/wives. The first wife must consent to a polygamous marriage (she has no choice lest she be divorced). However, when the man is infertile, it is a big humiliation because it is a patriachal system and a man's ego must be protected. Even in such cases, they will always blame it on the woman!
To be divorced for being barren is an even worse case so most women contend with their husbands marrying another wife/wives to bear children. Level of education per se does not help change the situation much.